After recovering from bulimia in 2010, I figured my brush with crippling low-self-esteem and alcoholism was over. I’d recovered. I was better. Only recovery isn’t a one-way journey from illness to wellness. Addiction is a behavior, a pattern of thinking, and one that I managed to apply to anything from eating to not eating, food and booze, obsessive thoughts. I’ve even been addicted to being busy just to feel like my time was worth something.
Like most alcoholics, alcoholism runs in my family. It runs in my friend’s families and my culture. The genetic factor requires some serious CBT and mindfulness. The underlying thought patterns reinforcing low self-esteem, shirking responsibility, and chasing highs were still present even though the disorder wasn’t. Only after alcoholism took my best friend, some of the best years of my life, and most of my dignity did I dedicate myself to sobriety and even then, I wake up some days thinking why not a beer? I couldn’t understand why, after so long and so much, alcohol still enticed me and addiction still dragged me under. I’ve hit rock bottom enough times to know that the addict in me will never totally go away, that she requires respect, understanding, and healthy thought patterns and actions to manifest in a healthy way. She can be a lover and a creator or a destroyer and a menace.
I’m now a cook, a clerk, and a normal person living a pretty simple life one day at a time, and creating content designed to inspire anyone looking for a lifestyle that is free of addiction. There is no need to be your own worst enemy. Recover Lover is all about self-love, self-esteem, and nurturing through good food, routines, products, and thoughts. It’s a lifestyle.
MFA Creative Writing
I graduated in 2016 with an MFA in Creative Writing from Sierra Nevada College where I studied under such distinguished writers (and truly amazing people) as June Sylvester Saraceno, Suzanne Roberts, Gayle Brandeis, Brian Turner, Carolyn Forché, Pablo Cartaya, Benjamin Bush, Benjamin Percy, Laura McCullough, Patricia Smith, Bruce DeSylva, Chris Millis, Mike McCormack and others to whom I am immeasurably grateful.
Cook and Forager
Cooking and my relationship to food are inexorable facets of my mental health. I started my career as a cook in the local greasy spoon in my home town and have since worked in steakhouses, fine dining, and in my own kitchen with foraged food from the Puget sound area. I’m a recovered bulimic who is now an intuitive eater. Proper nutrition is necessary for mental health.
After college, I taught at my alma maters–Sierra Nevada College and Lake Tahoe Community College. I loved teaching but needed to take time away to achieve individuation in order to feel that I was contributing more to my students than a reiteration of what I’d learned in school. One day, I may go back to teaching. For now, I am cultivating experiences that allow me to apply the knowledge I’ve been lucky enough to be granted.
It has taken me years to heal from addiction, low self-esteem, internalized patriarchal aggression, and an eating disorder. I write about respecting and cultivating intuition, Jungian Archetypal analysis, science, religion, nature, philosophy, and really anything that helps to influence a perspective of the world that diminishes the dangerous either/or narrative of black-and-white thinking.
Let’s make something together.