A while ago on this site, I wrote about trying to manifest 100K in a day and how, instead, I found a hundred dollars on a park bench.
I’ve since manifested wealth and abundance in a completely different fashion. I stopped worrying about the money altogether.
No more worries.
I addressed in Manifest, how we have subconscious belief systems that act as blocks and when we manifest, those blocks surface so we can face them.
Here’s how I understand the block around money.
Because I must use money to keep myself alive, I have viewed money as a direct link to my survival and security and even as what stands between me and my own place in the world. Maybe it’s just me, but this feels like a pretty logical viewpoint as well as a really sad one.
In the docuseries, The Pharmacist, Dan Schneider, a grieving father asks, “What’s one life worth?” And while most of us would like to say a life is priceless, I think many can relate to treating themselves as worthless.
However the rise of what’s called the quarter life crisis, something I talked a bit about in Are Millenials the Hero Generation, marks a time and a generation of people who are redefining values. As a generation, we are, in a way, more privileged than our forebears in being able to understand from watching them that human beings need more than just a job, some dough, and a roof in order to live healthily and happily.
This post was, at first, a long ranting thing about values and time and using time wisely, about saying no, setting boundaries, and standing up for what you believe in no matter how tough.
But I think at the heart of all of it is a pretty simple concept:
Time is the real currency.
I took a class this week that talked about selling an online course before you’ve even finished it. Essentially all schools do this. Teachers are hired in and build their courses while students are applying and moving into dorms. The premise was you get paid for selling the course. You can spend all kinds of time building it, but that won’t pay your bills. So you essentially buy yourself time.
Similarly, you can spend all kinds of time talking about what you do, posting about what you believe in, and bitching about how people suck, but ultimately the things we complain about in others are things we have denied about ourselves and ultimately the time we spend complaining is the time we spend not doing anything to fix it.
Think about it.
What would your life look like if you truly believed in every action you took?
I’m not talking “believed” like you mentally and consciously support your own actions. I mean “believed” like you have so much faith in your moral convictions that action according to them is second nature. You don’t even think about it.
Now imagine your moral convictions are unexamined fears and suppressed instincts from people telling you not to do this or that or follow your dreams or whatever and now you see someone following that dream and a secret part of you hates them for it because you never took that step, or you see a gay couple and it offends you because you were taught to fear that and never bothered questioning it. And imagine you hate that dreamer or those gay men but it’s so second nature you don’t understand why. You just feel that way and that’s it.
Manifestation asks you look at why you have the feelings you have, the biases, the desires.
If this sounds tedious and boring and difficult that’s because it is. Nothing worth having, being, or doing comes easily because pleasure in things earned with effort is wired into our primal instinctual rewards system. Its what sustained us through the hunt and it’s why running feels so damn good when you get past the wall.
It’s the same system that gets hijacked when we find something like booze or alcohol that offers immediate satisfaction and is why so many addicts don’t do much of anything else with their lives.
Think about it: every effort we spend complaining, blaming, shaming, finger pointing, and deciding who did what is another moment not spent creating, cultivating, doing, talking about and acting upon solutions, healing and bridging gaps.
So if time is the real currency, if time is all we have, doesn’t it make sense to make the time to figure ourselves out so that we can see beyond our fears and stop wasting time blaming each other or waiting for someone else to do something?
Would you rather spend your time getting to understand what motivates you or blaming someone else for what motivates them?
If it’s the latter, I dare you to spend a whole day alone in contact with no one else stone cold sober.
Why should someone following their dream make you unhappy?
“He’s always spacing out or talking about race cars. Like honestly, I wish he’d just pay attention to his side work!”
Why the fuck do you care? Does it make more work for you? Yes? So what? Do you have to do that work? No. You are choosing to. Are the bosses going to change it? Are you the boss? No? Then do your fucking job or get a new one.
It sounds harsh but if communication fails, those are the options. It’s not about sucking it up. It’s about what you value.
Do you value the job enough to deal with picking up the slack? Do you respect the people there? Do you respect yourself? Do you even need to pick up the slack? Why does it bother you so much? You do care about your job? You don’t. So why do you care about that guy who is slacking off? Why do you care about getting the work done? Why bother picking up the slack? Why bother being there at all?
And say in the second example, for instance, you see a gay couple and it makes you uncomfortable enough to dislike them.
Dude and/or dudette…ask yourself what they threaten.
If you’re Christian, hating or judging someone is against your religion, FYI.
Jesus hung out with the hos and the leppers, drank wine and was all about the down-with-the-man mentality. He even flipped a table in court.
And seriously if you dislike a couple for being gay…what does that say about how strong your convictions are about your own sexual orientation?
I’m suggesting if you dislike gays you fear them because you don’t understand what would compel someone to sleep with someone of the same sex which demonstrates that your capacity to understand various forms of love is unexamined and limited in which case you are willfully ignorant or willfully spiteful because of your own ignorance.
That is, since you don’t understand it, you also don’t know just what could turn you gay! So you’re hatred is fear because you do secretly fear the existence of a gay switch in your brain.
FYI: you don’t just turn gay.
And there’s no such thing as “I just don’t like it.”
No. There’s a reason you don’t like it and if you don’t know what it is then you have chosen to stand by that unknown reason that was probably planted by your racist grandpa instead of thinking for yourself.
Or you’ve chosen to dislike the gays consciously!
In which case you are a coward. All hate and dislike comes ultimately from fear. Hate is a product of cowardice.
This sounds so mean and judgmental but I am all of these things. I am not judging you. Just observing what I notice.
Any fear or anger or triggers you have right now are your responsibility to deal with and are a direct result of your interpretation of these words. I have very little to do with how you think. If I do, you might be giving me too much credit. If you are, it’s probably because you aren’t crediting yourself with those pesky thoughts that are indeed yours.
George Bernard Shaw said, “Hatred is the coward’s revenge for being intimidated.”
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m as guilty as anyone of blaming my problems on external forces and other people. And I often do this when I’m overwhelmed and scared and don’t know how to get to a better place. It is a natural instinct.
But when I choose, eventually, to examine the fears, the first step is to find out who I’m blaming, figure out the root of that fear in myself, and choose to take new action based on a newfound responsibility for my experience in this world.
I’m trying to demonstrate that literally every problem you have with the world is a problem you have with yourself and until you settle with yourself it’s hard to know which problems are really worth fighting for and believing in.
I know. It sucks. You don’t like it and neither do I but ultimately, that’s what it comes down to.
Sad about global warming?
Fight it or chill the fuck out.
Angry about that gossip at work because she ruined your reputation?
Frustrated because your kids are loud and screaming all the time?
I would be too. But dammit if resistance is what makes that suck.
What if screaming kids meant healthy happy kids and we associated that with joy?
Instead it’s associated with chaos and chaos isn’t conducive to security so no, we don’t like screaming kids. Still, that’s a problem you have with yourself. That is your view of things and the story you are engaged in is creating unnecessary resistance if the only reason you believe in it is because that is what you were told to believe.
It’s a cultural story, yes.
And it’s the reality that screaming kids are annoying because culturally people have decided that. Cultural assent is how we determine reality. But really you are not your culture. You have decided. And you can decide differently. And to do so does change your reality and maybe even can help to change others’ realities.
Like if your kid is screaming and someone else is telling you to shut them up and it bothers them but not you, it’s their problem.
That being said, some stranger shouldn’t just tell your kids to shut up and letting your kids go on screaming without showing them why it’s not cool is going to hurt them eventually when they don’t understand their influence on the people around them.
So it’s your problem for a different reason than you just hate screaming. It’s your problem because you u sweat and your kids must learn to communicate in order to survive.
There’s a big difference between teaching your kids not to scream because it’s good for them to communicate well vs. telling them not to scream because you just can’t stand it.
One accepts that part of them and shows them how to use it constructively or at appropriate times. The other rejects that part of them altogether and creates feelings of shame and guilt which become these subconscious whys which we end up having to unravel later as we are doing now.
If desire is the root of all suffering and you desire that which is to be different, you will suffer. Check out anything by Eckhart Tolle on this. He’ll be in Seattle May 16th if you’re in the area.
But we are only human. Undoing all subconscious bias is the work of spiritualists on the path to enlightenment. Undoing those with which we suffer is the way to contentment. And undoing takes time, effort, and determination.
So we must pick our battles. What makes you suffer such that you MUST change it. What makes you suffer such that you can deal, and what is making you suffer that doesn’t make any sense to be suffering over?
At the heart of all emotions are either Love or Fear. It sounds simplistic and trite but this inception can be a very powerful tool for being honest, forgiving, and genuine.
I like to call the love or fear rule the “no buts rule.”
The no buts rule basically states that you take action to change what you don’t like, or you let it go and live with it because if you are not acting in love you are acting in fear and the law of attraction says you get back three times what you put out. So if you’re complaining about something you’re not going to fix, you’re actually just part of the problem since you’re acting out of fear which is going to generate more fear—this the threefold rule.
The no buts rule also means, then, if you’re into manifestation and the law of attraction or the basic scientific concept of cause and effect, that if you are trying to solve a problem from a place of fear you are going to create things made of fear-based concepts. And fear based concepts are inherently victimizing, and are thus disempowering. So trying to solve a problem with fear doesn’t work.
There is no room for hatred and meanness and excuses and complaints if everything is motivated by either love or fear. You either take responsibility or accept complicity. It sounds harsh but hear me out.
Anger is fear disguised as a desire for the cause of the fear to not be there. Anger is also a way of making the responsibility for confronting that fear you hold someone else’s. Instead of understanding the root of your cowardice and owning it, you blame. This is easy. Children do it. I think adults do it more, honestly.
Courage is taking action to change what you don’t like or want and is fueled by love…for one must love the self and/or one’s people in order to dislike one’s circumstances in the first place. Why else would a person desire a change? The change is in favor of the self or one’s people…therefore the courage to act to create change is born of love.
Sometimes it’s courageous, for instance, to listen to someone whose opinions make you squirm with discomfort. you are learning. You are understanding. And you are allowing what is without trying to change it. You are solid enough with your own convictions to hear out someone else’s without your own being threatened.
The person motivated by fear loves too, but not enough to face his or her own fears. The fear becomes another’s responsibility to alleviate or fix or change and the coward is thusly selfish.
So courage is also born in fear but is not the victim of it. Selflessness, born of love, motivates the courageous to face their fears, who understand that if they do not, others will have to.
The unexorcised fear becomes a lens of subconscious projection on our perception of the world and the people we love fall victim to the blame and anger and neglect that rub and grate on the nerves, reminders always of those buried skeletons in our closets.
I have ignored a couple for so long I almost forgot they were there.
It takes just a small modicum of emotional intelligence to understand that love and fear are at the heart of all emotion. Kids know it without doubt. It takes all kinds of humility, curiosity, and willingness to admit fault enough to say that most of what I have been thinking, feeling, and doing has been motivated by fear.
And it takes unraveling those pesky whys.
It takes courage to admit that I am only human, can only change so much, and am complicit in many things I do not want to be complicit in simply by being a law abiding citizen of this nation.
What’s cool about the no buts rule is that by accepting complicity in the things I don’t like but am not taking action to change, I am practicing forgiveness and understanding. It becomes very easy, when one is understanding of his or her or their own faults and hypocrisies, to understand the faults and hypocrisies of others and to forgive.
The first time I dove into my whys I discovered that my fear of food came from my fear of the background processes of production in our country about which I was unaware. Poor treatment of animals in factory farms, chemicals, nitrates—I was afraid of what I was unwittingly participating in.
And digging a bit deeper…the reason I felt a need to control any of this at all was that I’d been controlled and manipulated my entire life because I never spoke up or stood up for myself. I could change that about myself.
People do go through life without feeling like they need to control things and they do just fine for themselves. Could I do that?
When I dove deeper I realized my fear was that there was nothing I could do to take down American factory farming and short of having my own land and growing my own food and raising my own animals, I was going to have to learn to live with my complicity.
So my relationship to food was a desire to control what was out of my control from my perspective.
I could have left rehab and started picketing factory farms and educating people about what’s in their food, but I’m no nutritionist. That’s not an excuse. I didn’t want to picket. Plain and simple.
So I had to work within my Sphere of Influence to create change. What I was able to influence was how I ate, what I believed about nutrition and the body and nature’s way of overcoming human fuck ups, and how I related to my food overall.
Since, I’ve learned to cook, farm to table, scratch cooking, and use-all-parts so that I’m not only able to eat healthier but more sustainably. Buying local helps and creating local initiatives.
If you can’t or won’t do anything about it, probably it’s not your problem or you are creating a problem to avoid self-examination and doing the work, which I do all the time, especially when I have deadlines to meet.
Why forgive? Because no one is perfect.
So I’m examining the blocks around manifesting money.
And the belief is that money is my livelihood.
But even if I have money, life doesn’t change or become suddenly easier because I’m still me.
Thinking that life would be better if I had more money is an excuse that actually prevents me from acting as though I can make life better right now. It is also a statement that I value materialism despite saying I don’t. Saying I don’t value money is a protection mechanism to avoid understanding that I do value money and have simply not taken the time to understand what fears have demonized it in my subconscious.
“Money is the root of all evil.”
“Money is time.”
Here are a couple of examples.
I recall coming from a poor family and feeling neglected because my parents had to work hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. To me, this meant that money was responsible for why my parents could not spend time with me.
Money equals neglect.
Money is more important than children.
I was given my parents’ money more than their time.
I didn’t want to examine this fear because I think it hits on a pretty foundational belief about victimization and power.
My family has a poor history with money and there are stories on both sides about people betraying each other or disowning each other because of squabbles over who gets what. This buzzard mentality disgusts me and makes me fear that I have within me this capacity to value wealth and Mine more than my family and friends.
Yesterday DJ and I were walking to the store and spotted a couple of rabbits in a driveway. I pointed them out and he kind of laughed. Then, on the way home, I’d bought a bag of Cuties and was excited to share them with him.
The feeling of sharing like this reminded me of being a kid. Do you remember being a kid? Do you remember that feeling of finding something you love, some shiny new thing or some flower and immediately wanting to share it with the people you love because you love them?
I was overwhelmed by the innocence and the pure motivation of love and how long it felt like it had been since I’d had that kind of trust with someone.
I love this and want to share it with you because I love you.
Money was a placeholder for my own subconscious sense of self worth.
If money equaled neglect then it was more important than I was. If it was more important than I was, then I was going to have to earn some to be important to anyone.
Subconsciously I believed this just based on the experiences of my youth, even though I’d been taught to value people and intangible things like presence and love and forgiveness and compassion.
Consciously, this belief system became hatred of money, of wealth, and of anyone who has or takes more than they need.
But it’s not up to me to decide what people need. And if money is more valuable to my people than I am, I’m not with the right people. And if I hate money and people who have a lot, it’s because I think I don’t have a lot because of them instead of realizing I am blessed and have been too greedy and blind to acknowledge it. Yes, greedy. There’s that hatred is the coward’s revenge thing. I was hating people who I thought were greedy but it was greed which created this hatred to begin with.
If I want money I can go get it or I can shut the fuck up about it.
You know what?
I don’t want a bunch of money.
That’s why I don’t have it. If I did, I would have worked for money. But I am not motivated enough by money and material stuff to really try to get more than I need.
And yet we must have money to participate in our survival within this culture.
So here’s what I found out I actually want:
Quality time with my people.
Time outside with my dog in nature.
An open mind.
To give back and help my community in what ways I’m most effective at doing so.
To be kind. I aim for kindness but I can be quite moody.
I’m not saying money doesn’t help with some of these things.
But I learned that the mentality of being “poor” is essentially one in which because a person doesn’t have money, they fail to see, understand, engage in, and appreciate what they believe money is preventing them from having and thus they continue to act poor.
I was so afraid about my financial situation that I failed to value how blessed I am in many other ways and so my values were poor and so I continued to be poor. It’s hard to see past the things that threaten bodily security. harder to admit I was a person who I did not want to be. Harder to forgive but altogether necessary. Self-hatred is selfish.
The idea of the law of attraction is kind of like faking it until you make it. It also stands to reason, from a very rational perspective, that faking it until you make it works because all you’re doing is pretending to be what you’re not, yet, by taking steps to pretend, if they are practical, you are actually taking steps become what you are aiming to be.
By worrying about being poor, I was subconsciously taking steps to become poorer and I was, meanwhile, equating my self worth with almost nothing because I was still operating under a subconscious childhood fear that what I want is worthless if it doesn’t make money. So I thought I was supposed to make money, which I actually don’t value, in order to become myself, who I also didn’t value?
After this heavy examination in which I determined that I was equating my self worth with my income or any lack thereof, I prayed to God to relieve me of this burden and this illusion.
I do pray to God sometimes. To me, God is the deity of forgiveness or at least an idea of something that allows me to understand forgiveness. How funny is that? Seems kind of backwards based on some of my apparently anti-Christian sentiments, but I’m in no way anti-Christian, just anti-assholes.
So I prayed, which is an intention given over to the part of us that knows better than our mean-minded little selves and you know what I hear during this prayer?
Don’t worry about the money. At all.
So I don’t.
How do you stop worrying about something?
Fake it until you make it.
I start practicing meditation and paying attention in conversation. I start to relax the more present I become and even though I have no idea what finances are going to look like in a month I frankly can’t give any fucks anymore.
And I don’t have to. Do what you love, believe in yourself, and the money follows.
Turns out, I don’t need much money to make me happy or to keep me fed or to pay my rent. Turns out the money situation always works out and always has and it’s a lot easier to not worry about it if I’m not going to do anything more about it.
If you know anything about dissociation, it’s a kind of euphoric hyper focus that can arrive in times of stress. When the situation is too overwhelming, someone who dissociates can shift their focus onto something so intensely, they are transported out of the focus from the stressful situation entirely.
Dissociative disorder has a negative connotation, since disorder means not orderly or not in working order or chaos. Shifting focus to ignore something is going to make acknowledging it later a lot worse.
It’s opposite is presence. Intending to be aware of and sitting with what is happening on a very basic sensory level, within and without, tunes in with an honest experience that is beyond the tricky ways of language to justify.
To be present totally is to be free of worry about the future, because there is no future when one is present, nor is there a past. We approach the situation with curiosity, a modicum of innocence and we feel.
Imagine sitting in your office, for instance, and you’ve been at the desk for five hours and your head is floating around somewhere in the numbers and the to-dos and a coworker comes by and knocks you pencil holder off your desk. You come crashing back to reality quite quickly where the ignored sensations of your immense hunger, your strained eyes, your stiff back, the lack of light in here, all ignored for so long, are alerting you to your discomfort which is instead associated with the person who spilled your pencils.
Then you take a break, a breather, eat a bagel and schmear, and all’s well for you.
Our feelings can be powerful indicators of truth when acknowledged. What kind of humane job makes you practice regular self-neglect? None. But I’ve definitely neglected myself for the sake of getting a job done when stopping and taking a break and eating some food would have probably helped the process go a lot more smoothly and quickly.
I’ve been more present. My relationships are better, my stress level is down and even though I have no idea where rent is going to come from it’s literally not worth worrying about because worry robs me of my time and time is money.
Worrying is serving to create the problem I’m worried about because in worrying I’m not present and in not being present I’m wasting my time with illusions in which case I’m worrying about things that haven’t happened and aren’t happening in which case I’m convinced my own story is more real than reality! And, by not being in reality I am also not operating in a place where I can enact change upon that reality.
Abundance is a mentality.
It comes down to what you value. Put your time in what you value, change what you can, and let the rest fall away. That’s flow or Wu Wei.
Or the serenity prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.